small/medium/large?

liz: Lemme ask you a question, in all the years you’ve ever undressed for a gentleman has he ever walked out, left?
Sofi: No.
Liz: Because he doesn’t care. He’s in a room with a naked girl. He’s won the lottery. I’m so tired of saying no and waking up in the morning and recalling every single thing I ate the day before. Counting every calorie I consumed so I know exactly how much self-loathing to take into the shower. I’m going for it. I have no interest in being obese; I’m just through with the guilt. So this is what I’m going to do, I’m going to finish this pizza and then we’re going to go watch the soccer game and tomorrow we’re going to go on a little date and buy ourselves some bigger jeans.

-eat pray love

Diwali retires with not just post Diwali blues but also extra added weight thanks to the generous amount of chocolates and sweet boxes handed out with the diwali presents. now if you ask any of my family members, they’d tell you how anxious i get when i put on the littlest amount of weight because i live in this constant fear that once i gain a little, there would be no stopping to it and i will never be able to lose it.

i have a history of going from a size medium to large to medium again and recently, small too (woohoo).

being diagnosed with PCOS a few years back, i struggled to maintain my weight and stop bloating up like a blow fish BUT college happened and thankfully i shed quite a bit of it some how.

i wouldn’t lie, being fit is the happiest feeling i have ever had. not just because i could fit into clothes i always wanted to and carry them off, but because there’s a lot less to be conscious about. increased stamina and improved health are the major perks too of course. not like i loved my self any less before but hey, when i look into the mirror now i see a sharper personality with sharper features. i dont know to what extend becoming a littler thinner has improved my outer beauty but it has definitely done so much for my confidence.

but the real question is, are all those compliments and that minute of self satisfaction when i look my self in the mirror really worth the guilt i go through when i eat a piece of that exquisitely blushing red velvet cheese cake? or the times i really want to indulge in the college junk food with the peeps? and what am i to do about that voice in my head nagging me if i don’t get any exercise that week. i literally get nightmares about me waking up to find myself 10 kg fatter. that can’t be normal, or is it?

but none the less, i really have to go for a run tomorrow morning. Diwali’s over!

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