Trying 

Ever get that feeling,
Like your outside is covered in gasoline
and your insides are in flames?
like you might just combust any moment if the two ever collide?
But what’s the point to resist?
I’d burn the pain away and rain down in ashes, marking the foreheads of those I love
so they would remember my name.
remember me as the girl who spoke sweet words,
as the girl who felt like warm sugar, just trying her best to caramalize.
trying to melt her imperfections into something a little less coarse,
but these little monsters of flaws breed anew too soon.
Please just remember the sweetness, the salty tears are mine to keep.
And I’ll try to remember I’m important, muzzling my fires within.

what do I do with all this love
That I’d saved up for you
do spin it into a blanket of remorse
and wrap it around myself?
or cut it into paper hearts and give it away?
Would somebody else accept it with mutual affection?
Or would they reject it with the same grace
Like you did, with all your innocence
oblivious of the hurricanes,
of the storms that you’d been brewing
deep inside my head.

Breathe 

Let’s play a game. When you’re not just breaking down, but melting into the sheets of your bed, pull those blankets over and make a fort over your head. 

Take a breath in. Now as you breathe out, free your imagination from the shackles of ethics you’ve sworn to. 

No laws apply to the thoughts you seed, it’s the only freedom you’ll even know. Let the little lilies of love blossom and blow away the dandelions of dread. 

Let the young blood pumping through your veins navigate the way for mind. Let the pain bleed out its venom. Its the only way you will breathe anew. 

I remember the night when I was miles away from home and the scorpion bit me. The next morning when I woke up with my arm swollen, alone, with the rain pouring on my window, I cried. I howled. Then I picked myself up and I got the venom out. 

The pain wasn’t as bad as the feeling of being alone. I missed my mother, I needed my mother, God where was my mother! But how did I forget that the souls of my ancestors were ghosts inside of me. I wasn’t separate from the voice of my mother etched inside my brain. I was a warrior, trained by the teachings of my parents, and everyone else who showed me love. I breathed because I was worthy of it. 

So now when I’m back inside the sheets of my own bed, comforted by the warmth of the known, why does the same feeling of the night visit me back from miles away? 

I tell myself to be brave, to bleed the venom out. To surrender to faith. To trust the maps my conscience was handed and look out for the treasures on the way. To believe in my worth, for those who believed in it when I didn’t. 

Leaving

for once, i want to be the one who leaves,
from the land of stumped muddy lotuses
to the sands of tall green palm trees
to abandon the cobwebs of emotions woven,
what sweet victory it must be
leaving others crippled,
coping with your ends incomplete.

Daughter

Little one, the cosmos must be dancing
For you sprouted in the womb of Gaia
there will be those who mark the curse,
Some for the society, as you another debt,
some for you, as the society another vile
But why seek the assent of the fallible?
or the sympathy of another woven of the same flesh?
This journey isn’t their’s, it’s only yours to tread