An Affair With Words

typewriter

For the longest of time, I was extremely conscious of my writing, just as a bathroom singer would be amongst Grammy nominee vocalists. I loved how any emotion, even as deep and sacred as divinity in itself could be expressed with the art of stringing together the right words. It wasn’t just an art, it was a power, and I found myself achingly devoided of it.

I could never remember words as long as ‘concupiscence’, although it’s usage always amused me. It tickled my brain to come across words like ‘Renegade’, ‘Degenerate’, and ‘Denigrate’ because they all sounded so similar, yet meant so different. I was the one who always underlined words in books, because they read so pretty and I wanted to add them all in my word-robe. But, I was neither a scholar of  language nor of Literature. I just admired words, a lot.

However, bit by bit I started realizing that the purpose of words wasn’t just to sit pretty on white pages. Their purpose was to stir the soul of the reader and soak the white pages in his tears. Words meant nothing if they didn’t convey bursting conviction with which they were meant to be written. Words were the manifestation of the energy flowing from the mind of the writer to that of his reader. Slowly, I realized that I didn’t need to fret over remembering difficult words, I just needed enough.  I needed the words for channeling what I wanted to suck from my insides and splash out on the walls of this world.

Thus began a new affair with words. It was the kind of love that overwhelmed me, but comforted me at the same time. I wore myself out trying to sew words together on paper that my lips never could, and God that was so satisfying. Rants turned into creative writing and the bitterness of a heartache manifested itself as art. Everything retained beauty, even the darkest of moments. I loved the way a writer could induce emotions like a magician and then manipulate them like a puppeteer. I fell in love with the process and realized that it started loving me back.

I realized that it wasn’t the words that held the power as I once perceived, it was the bond of a writer with his words that summoned hurricanes or calmed the tides as he pleased. I wanted to be that Stormbringer, I wanted to make a difference, I wanted to write, and ever since, that’s all I want to do.

Heartaches At 20

I guess when you’re 20, it gets harder to diagnose a spur of sorrow that makes way into your mind. It’s a little unnerving to give meaning to the ache that makes your chest feel like it’s caving in. I guess it’s because when you’re 20, you’re not hurting because of an innocent heartbreak caused by the neighbourhood boy who never liked you the way you did. Of course, that’d be too stupid right?
You know better. You’ve learn’t through time. You’ve seen how it works and you’re certain you’ve grown above those highschool heartbreaks. Then one day, all your of your dejections trace a way back into your head all at once, and you begin to wonder if the weight of all that you’ve been through is what crushes your chest for that split second. That intriguingly canny classmate in 9th grade who fancied a little more wit than what you possessed, that football wiz kid who thought of you as just another one of the red team girls, that best friend who got way out of your league at some point of your stupid adolescence and finally the boy who just made you question all that you learnt from your previous woes, a few minutes back.
I guess when you’re 20, it’s the forgotten miseries that ooze out, as a shiny new dagger pokes a fresh wound into the soul you thought you had strengthened through these years. It’s a little shameful to see your being come crumbling down when all this while, you boasted of the age maturing you up into a sound, reasonable person.

Leaving

for once, i want to be the one who leaves,
from the land of stumped muddy lotuses
to the sands of tall green palm trees
to abandon the cobwebs of emotions woven,
what sweet victory it must be
leaving others crippled,
coping with your ends incomplete.

Daughter

Little one, the cosmos must be dancing
For you sprouted in the womb of Gaia
there will be those who mark the curse,
Some for the society, as you another debt,
some for you, as the society another vile
But why seek the assent of the fallible?
or the sympathy of another woven of the same flesh?
This journey isn’t their’s, it’s only yours to tread

Will You Call Me One For The Road?

“cool? Bye” he said.
“cool. Bye”, she replied and hung up the phone.
That’s how they ended the sweet “negotiation” they’d once agreed upon, the proof of which was etched only in cryptic signals through electric telephone wires, ending it the same way it started. Heart-breaks were meant to leave a bad taste in your mouth, but then why didn’t this one? Why did this one feel so comfortable? When every other dejection pierced through her ego like daggers, why didn’t this one strip her off of any emotions?

Probably because it was a stupid idea in the first place, it wasn’t really serious anyway, not like we were in love pffft… or probably because it was the best it could have ever been. It was never really about “two souls completing each other” or “love saving us” no, not any of that romanticism. It was as simple as the smiles you had to hide during classes when you saw their name pop up on your phone screen, the sleep you’d willingly compromise to have trivial conversations at night and answering drunk calls, humbly reminding you that you’re on their mind when they’re out of it.

I wish we had more time to sit and have deep, meaningful conversations about round pizzas in square boxes, to listen to you in your drunken state of mind, trying to articulate simple words as if they were tongue twisters. I wish i could hear more of those poems and show you my feelings for them. I wish I could make you hear my favorite songs. I wish I could have a few more mockery drenched laughs; but that’s all that there is to it and it was more than I ever wished for it to be. So just call me one for the road?

The Perfect Gifts To Give To Your Girl

{DISCLAIMER- this article was written for an interview submission, I’m not actually this cheesy.}

Is it yet again another occasion when you’ve got to make your girl feel special? Do you wish to break the monotony of those cliched presents that only add a faint smile to her face and then get tossed into the back of her cupboard? Well don’t worry, we’re here to fulfill your aspirations of giving her the most unique present you can, even if you’re on a budget crunch! Following are a few gift ideas in order of the increasing size of your budget

1. Personal pamper butler- sooo… you spent all your money on that video game you wanted and now have no money in your wallet to buy her a gift?  That’s alright because this gift idea only requires you to spend ’emotional currency’. convey your love to her by being her ‘personal pamper butler’ for a day. Let her call the shots the whole day and go all the way to pamper her by  completing her chores, carrying her shopping bags, making her meals and driving her around. Dedicate this day to her!

butler

2. Customized T-shirts/hoodies- you know how she loves wearing your oversized T-shirt or hoodie like it’s the most comfortable piece of clothing for her? Why not gift her one from your closet, but with a personal touch? You can get it customized by printing a picture of her favourite band or artist on it and she would love to wear it. Also, its easy on the pocket and big on heart!

shirt

3. Gift cards- some times you just have to accept that your taste is probably way too different from your girl friend’s, so much so that buying gifts makes you more nervous than a rabbit amongst a group of hyenas. In such situations, gift cards are your saviors! You can pick one up from her favorite brand and that too from a price range of your choice. This way, she wouldn’t have to wonder about your gift’s exchange policy like she had to with your previous gifts.

better

4. Personalized jewelry- what could be more romantic than a piece of precious metal with the memoir of your love that she can wear! You can explore your options with this one according to your budget too. you can find cute paired jewelry at brands like Claire’s or you can have rings and pendants engraved with words of love/both of your initials as a present. Little, special trinkets are always close to a girls heart!

aww

5. A pet- gifting a pet as a present to girls who love animals is a great idea, if you don’t mind sharing her love with a little cuddler that is. There are so many organizations that give pets up for adoption, and adopting one for your girl would not only mean delighting your sweet heart but also giving an animal a secure shelter. It’s an admirable gesture all together and saves you money too!

pup

 

6. name a star- probably the most romantic way to to tell some one that they’re the center of your universe is to name a star after them. it’s not as expensive as you think and can be easily done online via web portals like http://www.nameastarlive.com/ . this way you’d let them know that they’re as unique as their namesake star!

star

7. An adventure- how about gifting her memories that she would treasure forever? You can take her on an adventure by gifting her tickets to her favorite concert, game, festival or a little holiday just for the two of you. It’s bound to make her feel specialand loved!

gift

growing apart

“how do you know him?”

“we are.. err.. were friends.”

“oh, what happened then?”

“i.. don’t know.”

we have all had a person or two in our lives who went from being strangers to friends (or more) to strangers again. if you’re lucky enough, you’d know the reason behind the transition of these labels, thus providing you enough closure to accept the change. BUT, if you’re lesser of an expert in interpreting human emotions and social equations like me and many others, i’d like to offer you a hot cup of cocoa with marshmallows and hugs. meeting new people and clicking with them is a great feeling. growing apart after sharing a wonderful friendship on the other hand, not so much. why does that even happen? when everything is playing out fine, why does distance start creeping in? who’s fault is it?

firstly, I’m sorry if you’ve been through such a situation. I’m sorry if you got so close to the other person so quick that their self retrieval made you question your self. I’m sorry if it hurt to the point that you wondered what was wrong with you. you didn’t deserve any of it (unless you’re in fact a bad person, which i doubt).

but hey! pity parties are never fun. so before you indulge in a self loathing session and rack your brain thinking where you went wrong with this blossoming friendship that wilted faster than those roses in your garden (start watering them by the way, spring is on its way), there are a couple of things you should understand-

1.things are never just black or white- you have a story. the person you meet has their own story. you both meet each other at a point in your individual, every so changing lives and click (woohoo). some times, its the situations that draw you apart. some times, these situations are a bit too complex to be explained by the other person so no confrontations are followed up and that’s the end of it.

2. change is constant, deal with it- when you meet a person for the first time, they are not just talking matter of mass you meet but a result of their past fuelled by their future endeavours, just as you are. we are all dynamic beings here, changing little by little every day. want proof? compare your favourite music artists today from when you were 13 (how much do you love Avril Lavigne now?). so if the common ground in your relationship starts shifting, you’ve got to stop blaming your self for it and accept the change.

3. stop victimizing yourself- believe me, at some point in your life you too probably intentionally/unintentionally tried avoiding that friend who was acting way too clingy for comfort. No, that did not make you a horrible person, that just made you a normal person who likes their space once in a while. so if some one did the same to you, don’t diss them for it. even if they want their space for a bit longer like… err.. forever, respect their decision and be at peace.

4. lastly, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU- “did i bore them too much? did i act really hyper around them? Oh god! it’s because I’m an over organized freak, isn’t it??”  stop it, you! even though growing apart from some one really sucks, stop chewing into your self esteem. so you just got abandoned by some one, probably because they lost interest in you. It is okay. this single person doesn’t define your worth, you do. you’re not the person some one lost interest in, you’re the person whose family, dog and best friends love them. you’re the person whose eyes light up so bright when they hear their favourite song on the radio. you’re the person who has goals to achieve and dreams fulfil. you’re the person so many might look up to. don’t you dare doubt yourself.

AND don’t worry about dying alone with no friends. they always come around, either because of your similar music tastes or your ridiculously conflicting opinions. then, they may leave too. and then you’ll find new ones again. that’s just how life works so might as well appreciate the moments you get to spend with those presently in it. trust me on this, you’re okay buddy.

rave culture in India

Only till a few years back, raving was frowned upon by every one here because of the over hyped association of drug use and molly popping at rave scenes. today the response to the rave culture has changed so much all together, but does that mean we’re doing it right? Sadly, not so much.

Firstly, let’s clear up the common notion that a ‘rave’ is an event where a bunch of people parachute molly together with EDM music playing in the back ground- thats far from what a rave is supposed to be. Its all about getting a high, but, from the music. it’s about feeding that energy inside you and letting it lose at the same time! its about the rush you get from the build up and the thrill from the drop. It’s a joy ride for your brain! when your heart beat syncs with the bass, when your eardrums resonate with the pitch, you become one with the music. You literally give a track the power to control you and you realize that when it makes you rap your arms in the air with the beat.

“But rave and drugs go hand in hand don’t they?”

-No. Rave culture does not condemn drug use but it does not condone it. MDMA/ecstacy/molly is usually taken to experience euphoria, heightened energy, increased warmth toward others and sensory distortions but it’s use is only subjective and that’s not what defines a rave.

INFACT the whole raving community is founded on the principles of PLUR which stands for ‘peace love unity respect’. every thing and every one is about love and fun. its a wonderland! you enter a rave, you leave your judgements at the front gates because boy, you’re going to be seeing a lot of weird things around! be prepared to be hugged and complimented by men covered in glitter and girls in pretty tutus and fur boots. ravers consider themselves as a family and every one is treated with love and respect. all you gotta do is dance, trade kandi and have fun!

however, raving in india isn’t the same and if you’ve been to one in Delhi, you probably know why. the crowd is filled with drunk men being present for a motive far from appreciating the music, ticking every one else off with their shenanigans and self proclaimed studs breaking into a fight over something really silly as the DJ belts out his best track. Not cool man. How about respecting that artist who flew all the way to this country to play for you and really enjoying the music?

I hope that as india is giving way to EDM and adapting to it so compassionately, it also accepts the culture that comes along with it soon.

the ‘typical’ delhi girl

“you’re from delhi? south delhi? wow, you’re not like the typical delhi girl at all!”. this was the 4th time some one said that to me one week into my college in pune. i had no idea what they were talking about because as far as i know, i have been been born and brought up in the typical punjabi-delhi family, living in a typical south delhi locality, studying in a typical delhi, public school (delhi public school actually). how much more ‘typical’ could it get?

“you’re more chilled out, you know, laid back.” 

so over a span of one month i realized that a typical delhi girl is considered to be a snooty, arrogant, narcissistic vixen who’s too pampered to indulge in things common people do. too bad i never got the chance to meet her in 18 years of my life spent in delhi. but well, after spending a month in pune, i had to switch my college (which is another story)  and shift back to delhi to join JMC, an all girls, south campus ,Delhi University college therefore giving me the perfect opportunity to meet the infamous ‘typical’ delhi girl.

on my first day in the new college, i was sort of prepared to receive a huge culture shock in terms of attitude of people and the  social mannerisms in general but the only contrast i could make out was the change from seeing formal shirts and trousers around me to shorts and sundresses which was sort of refreshing actually. every one i met was pleasingly warm to me and helped me to catch up with what i had missed. so day 1- no ‘typical’ delhi girl encounter.

4 months have passed ever since and i have met so, sooo many different types of girls. there is one who’d drink like an irish at a party at night and reach on the field at 7.30 am sharp for soccer training and shoot some badass goals the next day. there’s one who’d come off as so intimidating when you talk to her but boy, i bet you’ll have one of the most intellectually enriching conversations with her if you tried. there’s one who wears the prettiest zara dresses on a saturday night but knows where to pick out the best clothes in sarojni nagar at the monday market. there’s one who’s too cool to shop at sarojni but she’s never too cool to help you out when you’re in need. there’s one who never travels by the auto but always lets us use her car and chauffeur when we want to go hang out after college. 

i still haven’t figured out which one of them is the ‘typical’ delhi girl so i think its time we stop generalizing them. the only thing they all have in common is that they’re all living the fast life, working towards their goals and chasing their dreams. man! they are walking balls of fire fueled by their ambitions. snicker at these ambitions if you want but don’t ridicule their attitude. i don’t know if i am one or not but the ‘typical’ delhi girl is hardcore!

 

boys are gorgeous

you know you like it when your new shirt gets noticed and you receive compliments for it. that satisfaction of approval feels so good.  But the best compliments are the ones you receive for your own attribute, be it physical or characteristical.  it makes you feel so full of glee thinking about how a person noticed something about YOU solely! it’s just human. also, men love compliments as much as women do.

i came to a realization that i have, almost through out my life, withheld these appreciations from boys because of the fear of them coming out too moronically. not the ‘hey, rockin’ those aviators brahh’ compliments but the ‘its so fascinating to see your eyes brighten up when you talk about your goals’ compliments.

so let me make up for it by saying that- boys are gorgeous. they look so delightful while running. tall boys give the best hugs (the only people i like hugging). they smell nice. its the cutest when they give their girlfriends their hoodies. guys who are musicians are so charming. guys who dedicate songs to girls are the best. boys who talk about politics or a cause so inquisitively are so captivating. boys who don’t turn arrogant after getting too many compliments are cool.

(if you’re a boy and i know you and i was never able to tell you any of the above that applies to you, please feel free to accept the compliment now)

I’m so bored of hearing and reading posts about how ‘mystically beautiful’ girls are. phshh why thanks! my dog seems ‘mystically beautiful’ too when he barks in his sleep (which is adorable). but all i mean to ask is why isn’t any one expected to notice the same things in boys that girls generally wish to hear?

is it just me or it really is commendable how men bare the feminist band wagon expecting them to treat women equally but at the same time, they have to live up to the chivalry expected from them. how they earn the ‘bad boy’ image to attract girls but end up getting termed as an ayehole instead. how even in this feminism driven society girls still wish for boys to initiate interaction as by social norm and then if they don’t click, the boy has to face the rejection or head straight to the ‘friend zone’. isn’t it so adorable how they actually consider putting axe deodorant for girls inspired by it’s advertisement, no matter how silly it is?

BUT again, that’s just my point of view. im not trying to change the social dynamics but i sure hope that the next time i admire something about a guy, I’ll try to lower my ego and tell him.