growing apart

“how do you know him?”

“we are.. err.. were friends.”

“oh, what happened then?”

“i.. don’t know.”

we have all had a person or two in our lives who went from being strangers to friends (or more) to strangers again. if you’re lucky enough, you’d know the reason behind the transition of these labels, thus providing you enough closure to accept the change. BUT, if you’re lesser of an expert in interpreting human emotions and social equations like me and many others, i’d like to offer you a hot cup of cocoa with marshmallows and hugs. meeting new people and clicking with them is a great feeling. growing apart after sharing a wonderful friendship on the other hand, not so much. why does that even happen? when everything is playing out fine, why does distance start creeping in? who’s fault is it?

firstly, I’m sorry if you’ve been through such a situation. I’m sorry if you got so close to the other person so quick that their self retrieval made you question your self. I’m sorry if it hurt to the point that you wondered what was wrong with you. you didn’t deserve any of it (unless you’re in fact a bad person, which i doubt).

but hey! pity parties are never fun. so before you indulge in a self loathing session and rack your brain thinking where you went wrong with this blossoming friendship that wilted faster than those roses in your garden (start watering them by the way, spring is on its way), there are a couple of things you should understand-

1.things are never just black or white- you have a story. the person you meet has their own story. you both meet each other at a point in your individual, every so changing lives and click (woohoo). some times, its the situations that draw you apart. some times, these situations are a bit too complex to be explained by the other person so no confrontations are followed up and that’s the end of it.

2. change is constant, deal with it- when you meet a person for the first time, they are not just talking matter of mass you meet but a result of their past fuelled by their future endeavours, just as you are. we are all dynamic beings here, changing little by little every day. want proof? compare your favourite music artists today from when you were 13 (how much do you love Avril Lavigne now?). so if the common ground in your relationship starts shifting, you’ve got to stop blaming your self for it and accept the change.

3. stop victimizing yourself- believe me, at some point in your life you too probably intentionally/unintentionally tried avoiding that friend who was acting way too clingy for comfort. No, that did not make you a horrible person, that just made you a normal person who likes their space once in a while. so if some one did the same to you, don’t diss them for it. even if they want their space for a bit longer like… err.. forever, respect their decision and be at peace.

4. lastly, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU- “did i bore them too much? did i act really hyper around them? Oh god! it’s because I’m an over organized freak, isn’t it??”  stop it, you! even though growing apart from some one really sucks, stop chewing into your self esteem. so you just got abandoned by some one, probably because they lost interest in you. It is okay. this single person doesn’t define your worth, you do. you’re not the person some one lost interest in, you’re the person whose family, dog and best friends love them. you’re the person whose eyes light up so bright when they hear their favourite song on the radio. you’re the person who has goals to achieve and dreams fulfil. you’re the person so many might look up to. don’t you dare doubt yourself.

AND don’t worry about dying alone with no friends. they always come around, either because of your similar music tastes or your ridiculously conflicting opinions. then, they may leave too. and then you’ll find new ones again. that’s just how life works so might as well appreciate the moments you get to spend with those presently in it. trust me on this, you’re okay buddy.

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2 thoughts on “growing apart

  1. As time went by, I began to realise that I wasn’t as fond of her as I thought I was. Perhaps, as we got closer, I saw certain things in her…..things I hadn’t seen in her before (or wasn’t smart enough to observe), things I struggled with. Finally, after 10 months or so (?), I had to accept the fact that I wouldn’t ever reconcile my sensibilities with the kind of person she was. After a while, it turned into a struggle and I stopped attending to her calls & replying to her messages. She got the signal rather quickly ’cause she gave up on me within a week of my affecting a one-sided communication breakdown. So it was kind of peaceful…even if abrupt…. the way it concluded.

    It’s been over 2 years now. My life minus her.

    • I understand where you’re coming from. I just hope that you think of her some times in a kind way, i hope you still keep the memories you shared with her in your pockets and i hope the you’re reminded of the feelings she gave you before you knew too much and are warmed by them.
      Because if she was close to you, she probably wishes the same. The oblivion of the conclusion and lack of closure probably took her aback for a bit. Her brain probably picked out and laid down every single flaw of hers that could have lead to the wreckage she never saw coming. She might have moved on from the past, swallowing the rejection and keeping her head held high but she probably still hopes for you to find her again. i know i would.

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