growing apart

“how do you know him?”

“we are.. err.. were friends.”

“oh, what happened then?”

“i.. don’t know.”

we have all had a person or two in our lives who went from being strangers to friends (or more) to strangers again. if you’re lucky enough, you’d know the reason behind the transition of these labels, thus providing you enough closure to accept the change. BUT, if you’re lesser of an expert in interpreting human emotions and social equations like me and many others, i’d like to offer you a hot cup of cocoa with marshmallows and hugs. meeting new people and clicking with them is a great feeling. growing apart after sharing a wonderful friendship on the other hand, not so much. why does that even happen? when everything is playing out fine, why does distance start creeping in? who’s fault is it?

firstly, I’m sorry if you’ve been through such a situation. I’m sorry if you got so close to the other person so quick that their self retrieval made you question your self. I’m sorry if it hurt to the point that you wondered what was wrong with you. you didn’t deserve any of it (unless you’re in fact a bad person, which i doubt).

but hey! pity parties are never fun. so before you indulge in a self loathing session and rack your brain thinking where you went wrong with this blossoming friendship that wilted faster than those roses in your garden (start watering them by the way, spring is on its way), there are a couple of things you should understand-

1.things are never just black or white- you have a story. the person you meet has their own story. you both meet each other at a point in your individual, every so changing lives and click (woohoo). some times, its the situations that draw you apart. some times, these situations are a bit too complex to be explained by the other person so no confrontations are followed up and that’s the end of it.

2. change is constant, deal with it- when you meet a person for the first time, they are not just talking matter of mass you meet but a result of their past fuelled by their future endeavours, just as you are. we are all dynamic beings here, changing little by little every day. want proof? compare your favourite music artists today from when you were 13 (how much do you love Avril Lavigne now?). so if the common ground in your relationship starts shifting, you’ve got to stop blaming your self for it and accept the change.

3. stop victimizing yourself- believe me, at some point in your life you too probably intentionally/unintentionally tried avoiding that friend who was acting way too clingy for comfort. No, that did not make you a horrible person, that just made you a normal person who likes their space once in a while. so if some one did the same to you, don’t diss them for it. even if they want their space for a bit longer like… err.. forever, respect their decision and be at peace.

4. lastly, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU- “did i bore them too much? did i act really hyper around them? Oh god! it’s because I’m an over organized freak, isn’t it??”  stop it, you! even though growing apart from some one really sucks, stop chewing into your self esteem. so you just got abandoned by some one, probably because they lost interest in you. It is okay. this single person doesn’t define your worth, you do. you’re not the person some one lost interest in, you’re the person whose family, dog and best friends love them. you’re the person whose eyes light up so bright when they hear their favourite song on the radio. you’re the person who has goals to achieve and dreams fulfil. you’re the person so many might look up to. don’t you dare doubt yourself.

AND don’t worry about dying alone with no friends. they always come around, either because of your similar music tastes or your ridiculously conflicting opinions. then, they may leave too. and then you’ll find new ones again. that’s just how life works so might as well appreciate the moments you get to spend with those presently in it. trust me on this, you’re okay buddy.

men, women and what you’re not supposed to know

“wait, WHAT? but how could she do that to him? how could he take such a thing? and, how could this be true when they looked so happy together? i actually secretly wished to have a relationship like theirs some day, how…”

“trust me priyam, you wouldn’t want that. you have no idea how girls can manipulate guys in ways so covert that they don’t even realize what hit them. it’s mildly evil.”

4 months into college and i have already learnt so much about life (or so i think) but this is one revelation that perturbed me the most and still continues to do so. almost through out the 18 years of my life, i have been this quirky little girl not paying much attention to the social human tactics. i never knew how to flirt ( haven’t learnt it still), was always scared to make eye contact with boys and always ended up talking about internet or football in an excited high pitched, border line shriek-ish voice with them at the parties. sooo not sexy.

so i have recently had an overdose of hearing boys whine about how some girls are ‘sooo stupid and bitchy’ and then to my surprise, i have seen the same self proclaimed intellectual sons of Newton (okay bad reference considering Newton was a Virgin) go after the same ‘stupid and bitchy girls’ and fall deeply, madly and truly in love with them *pukes*. so i couldn’t help but think that boys are hypocrites! all of them!

so i thought its high time i get to know how this works. being in an all-girls college (kill me) and interacting with a lot of girls, i realized that my gender has this fascinating potential to use not just their beauty as commonly perceived, but just their mere woman-ness to their advantage. just like the sirens (the femme fatales who lured nearby sailors with their enchanting music and voices to shipwreck on the rocky coast of their island). okay maybe thats a little extreme, but you get the point- if the power used correctly it can render the other helpless to this pull.

but heyy, what about those genuinely intellectually superior men who are emotionally strong enough to resist the pull? why would they go for the same girls they consider inferior? well, i proposed the same question to one such friend to put an end to my curiosity.

his answer – ” look i can have a decent conversation with you even if most of it involves us arguing and debating upon anything ranging from politics to pizza toppings. i guess that’s precisely why we are friends (because strangling the other would put you in jail) but i wouldn’t prefer some one so strongly opinionated as my girl friend. i love how *** (present girlfriend)’s eyes light up when i tell her something ever so little interesting.” it might have brought out the typical male chauvinistic thinking but i have to agree that what he said about his girlfriend was pretty cute.

so i still don’t know how these romantic attractions tick and honestly, after attaining so much enlightenment on the matter i plan to give up on romance for a bit (or more).